[TMJ: FS2S—Pt. I, Ch. 1] Back to the Father: The Masculine Journey
- Michael Villanueva
- May 19
- 9 min read
Updated: May 20
A Good Good Father?
Old wounds were lurking in the shadows. It was the first week of a new year and my wife and I found ourselves, somewhat unexpectedly, on a week-long retreat at the Theology of the Body Institute in the beautiful Pennsylvania countryside. A friend invited us to attend just a month before and, in a matter of days, a few generous benefactors covered the entirety of our expenses. Moreover, in what certainly will be included in their future cause for canonization, the in-laws who live just a few hours away from the retreat center bravely agreed to take in our three kids, who at the time were all under four years of age. This was a perfect opportunity for professional development and personal enrichment and it was clear that God wanted us there, but — as is quickly becoming a theme — I was not prepared for what was about to unfold.
A few days into the course, our professor played a video: an infant boy, smiling and sitting in his high chair, was moved to tears by his mother’s singing.¹ “Awws” and audible sniffling filled the dimly lit classroom as the video progressed, but my heart was filled with burning cynicism, resentment, and anger. The lyrics sung during the clip had struck a nerve… and a big one at that:
You’re a good, good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are
it’s who you are and I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us
You’re a good, good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are
it’s who you are and I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am²
Why such repulsion to a moment so naturally endearing? Others were genuinely touched — why was I left angry and afraid? It was quite painful and embarrassing to admit, even to myself.
Isn't it amazing how a song, video clip, or scene from a movie or book can so easily find its way through our clever defenses and stir up such deep emotions tied to life-altering memories, even those long buried beneath the surface? Perhaps “terrifying” is the more appropriate word, and yet maybe these occasional breaches of “security” are in fact intentional acts of God paramount to discovering true freedom and maturity, especially for us men. My challenge for you, my brothers — difficult as it may be — is to strive for authentic vulnerability, which is (like it or not) essential for authentic masculinity.
Forward! Do not be afraid. Open the gate of your mind and heart, lower the drawbridge when tempted toward self-reliance, unlock the chains clinging on to past wounds, and allow God in. A response to this challenge is inevitable and the stakes are high. “No” lingers in slavery. “Yes” leads to salvation. To be sure, a “Yes” to authentic vulnerability will cost you dearly and you will not remain unchanged, but an amazing adventure awaits that has the potential to fill-full your masculine ache. As Gandalf the Grey says to Bilbo Baggins when asked if he can promise a safe return from the unexpected journey ahead: “No. And if you do [return], you will not be the same.”³ I surely wasn’t.
The inner turmoil that stormed within as a result of the video was not completely surprising. Like many, deep father wounds have shaped much of my journey through life. At the same time, I was genuinely caught off guard by the sheer fury and vitriol that found its way to the surface, especially when real healing and forgiveness had already become major plot points in my story. On top of all that, the video — at least in my experience of it — brought into stark relief my own struggles and failures as a father, triggering the sting of shame and the desperation of defensiveness.
Uh oh… again?! I thought we were past this, Lord. What could You possibly be up to and… will it be too much to bear? A whirlwind of questions swept through my head and burned in my heart. Though overwhelmed and anxious, I could still somehow sense that God was doing something good and, on top of that, that He actually desired my good. It was as if the Divine Author was hard at work writing the pages of the next chapter filled with intrigue, drama, pain and… triumph. Indeed, so He was.
The plot thickened as the week progressed. What just happened? What does it mean? How do I really feel about it all? Lord, what are you asking of me? Wrestling honestly with these questions over the next few days led to a troubling yet freeing revelation: “I still don’t fully trust and believe that God is a Good Good Father! Sure, I know and even profess it to a high degree — but do I embrace it with every ounce of my being and live each moment rooted in that conviction? No, not yet.” Oddly enough, with this revelation came peace, with peace came gratitude, and with gratitude came prayer: Lord, heal me! (see Jeremiah 17:14) “I do believe, help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24).
The Masculine Journey
The experience of doubting God’s goodness and fatherhood is part and parcel of the greater Christian story of salvation. In addition to being both a universally human experience as well as an utterly personal one, it is important to point out that it is also an experience suffered differently by men than by women and vice versa. Thus, the journey back to the Father — the arduous process of healing one’s fundamental vision of God from Bad Bad Foe to Good Good Father⁴ — is itself a uniquely feminine OR masculine journey which constitutes the drama of each and every human life.
This blog series is about the masculine journey in particular: what it truly means to be a man, what it takes to be a good one, who can guide us along the way, and what’s at stake if the journey succeeds or fails. As you can see, it is addressed to men of all ages with special concern, however, for YOU: young men (husbands, fathers, clergy, consecrated, or discerning your vocation) who are navigating such an intense yet often underestimated state and stage of life.⁵ I write to you from the same juncture — sharing your struggles and anxieties, your hopes and dreams, your questions and hang-ups, yet also having found the pearl of great price — a way forward, or should I say, The Way Forward along the masculine journey and towards our heavenly Fatherland (see John 14:1-6).
The Way Forward
There will always be someone on this side of heaven who has yet to encounter Jesus for the first time. Additionally, as with any meaningful relationship, those who have met Jesus can (and must) always grow deeper in knowledge, friendship, and intimacy with Him. This is true even for His closest and most devoted disciples. In fact, the two men who will guide us throughout this series (Pope Saint John Paul II and acclaimed author John Eldredge)⁶ have both been utterly transformed by Jesus to the point of dedicating their respective lives and careers to following and making Him known to all nations (see Matthew 28:16-20).
If we are courageous enough to take a leap of faith — which, by the way, requires real vulnerability — and take Jesus at His word, we can then truly see Him not only as a competent guide who can show us the way, but The Way Itself.
What do I mean by this? Encouraging His disciples at the Last Supper, knowing He was on the cusp of being arrested, falsely accused, and then executed by His own people, Jesus says something quite bold and inconceivable:
Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. Where I am going you know the way.
Perplexed, one of His disciples, Thomas, replies: “Master, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?” To this, Jesus responds:
I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, then you will also know my Father. From now on you do know him and have seen him.
—John 14:1-7
All of life is a journey back to the Father, one that undoubtedly involves all kinds of suffering and crucifixion, but The Way Forward to eternal rest and beatitude in the Fatherland — to true healing, holiness, and humanity as men or women in this life and the next — is found through none other than Jesus Christ, Our Lord.⁷ Everything above and all that follows is based on this central conviction. By extension, I write with humble confidence that Jesus established the Catholic Church as “The Way” by which He could be truly, sacramentally present to each and every person throughout the world and in every age.⁸
Much can be and has been said about the Catholic Church, often misunderstood and maligned, but it suffices here to say that it can best be understood in terms of Jesus’ Mystical Body and His Bride, a being so mysteriously united with Jesus in love and so permeated with His Holy Spirit that new and eternal life is conceived and born into the world through their union.⁹ Accordingly, the Church is not simply a sacred building, but in truth a sacred people created, challenged, and called by God to be His beloved for all of eternity.¹⁰
Catholicism, then, is not just a set of rules, but a sort of relationship protected and strengthened not only by rules, but also by commonly held beliefs, liturgy, and by time spent together in loving personal communion. Thus, the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC), promulgated by our friend and guide, Pope John Paul II (JPII), is a summary of our Christian Faith and a snapshot of the Body and Bride of Christ aptly structured in 4 pillars:¹¹
What We Believe (The Creed)
How We Worship (The Liturgy & The Seven Sacraments)
How We are to Act (The Ten Commandments)
How We are to Pray (The Our Father)
Our masculine journey together through this series, guided by Eldredge and JPII, will ultimately be directed and sustained by Jesus Himself through Scripture as well as through His Mystical Body and Bride, the Church — especially via reference to the CCC. Particular attention will be given to the Seven Sacraments of the Church which, as we will see, are meant to accompany us along our arduous journey back to the Father.
Ready? Good. Let’s begin with a prayer:
Our Father,¹²
who art in heaven
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.
Questions for Reflection and Prayer:
What things or activities speak most powerfully to you: songs, movies, literature, nature, food, sport, etc.? Do you think God can speak to you through these?
Do you fully trust and believe that God is a Good Good Father? Even if you profess it to a high degree — do you embrace it with every ounce of your being and live each moment rooted in that conviction?
Who is Jesus to you? Are you willing to grow deeper in relationship with Him?
Footnotes:
(click footnotes below to return to your place in the post above)
Written by Pat Barrett and Tony Brown (2014), and popularized by Chris Tomlin (2015).
More will be said in upcoming chapters about our two guides, JPII and John Eldredge. For those especially unfamiliar with Eldredge, he is an author, counselor, and teacher serving as president of Wild at Heart, a ministry devoted to helping people discover the heart of God, recover their own hearts in God's love, and learn to live in God's kingdom. Stay tuned for Part I, Chapter 3 — Sacred Stages: Becoming Man for more on his work, The Way of the Wild Heart: A Map for the Masculine Journey and how it provides inspiration and a firm foundation for this series. While Eldredge is not of the Catholic Tradition in particular, he is more generally Christian and both his person and ministry are a gift to the Church.
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