[TMJ: FS2S—Pt. I, Ch. 2] Our Canteen: PARRRTY Prayer
- Michael Villanueva
- May 26
- 10 min read
Updated: May 29
Adventure Gear
Every journey requires the right gear. The masculine journey is no exception.
For over twenty years, Phoenix, Arizona has been my home. One survival habit I've acquired from living in the desert is carrying a certain piece of gear everywhere I go. That item is my 46oz vacuum insulated water bottle, which keeps one's water cool and one's temper cooler. Water is essential for life even outside of the desert, and when it comes to our spiritual life, water is so essential... it's sacramental.¹
As I mentioned in the introduction, this blog series cannot remain a merely intellectual exercise. What we will explore must be lived out on a daily basis and mature in one's character over time. To do this, it's time to issue the first piece of essential gear for the masculine journey: Your Water Bottle, or Canteen — unlimited edition — a method of prayer I like to call...
PARRRTY Prayer²
P: Presence
A: Acknowledge
R: Relate
R: Receive
R: Respond
TY: Thank You!
Despite its simplicity, my wife and I have seen just how much of a game changer this prayer method has been both for ourselves and for those whom we teach and form. Allowing it to become a daily habit has utterly transformed my faith and helped me navigate the wild adventures of life from seminary, to marriage and family, to career path.
Like water, prayer is essential for the journey. But what is prayer, truly? Much more than asking God for beneficial things or outcomes, prayer is the "vital and personal relationship with the living and true God."³ It is the unifying encounter between your unquenchable thirst for God and God's unquenchable thirst for you.⁴ In a homily addressed to his brother bishops and the lay men and women present, the future Pope Benedict XVI proclaimed:
The Fathers of the Church say that prayer, properly understood, is nothing other than becoming a longing for God.... an open vessel of longing, in which life becomes prayer and prayer becomes life.⁵
Prayer is for those who hunger and thirst for the infinite. Prayer is for those who long for ultimate communion and fill-full-ment. Where can you find people who are hungry, thirsty, and full of longing? At a party! Prayer is for those who like to party.
Parties are inherently human. The Cambridge Dictionary defines a party as "a social event at which a group of people meet to talk, eat, drink, dance, etc., often in order to celebrate a special occasion" (emphasis mine). Men and women, as different as we are, need to communicate. We need to eat and drink, and need to do so with others. The jury may still be out on whether humans need to dance, but I tend to think we do.⁶ Finally, we need to celebrate special occasions. To not would be, in a word, inhuman.
Even when parties take a wicked turn, they reveal a fundamental human need to eat, drink, celebrate, and simply be together — albeit in a distorted way. More on this in a few chapters.
Ultimately, parties (especially weddings) are a foretaste of what we are destined for in heaven.
On this mountain the Lord of hosts
will provide for all peoples a feast of rich food and choice wines
juicy, rich food and pure choice wines.
—Isaiah 25:6
Give praise with tambourines and dance, praise him with strings and pipes.
Give praise with crashing cymbals, praise him with sounding cymbals.
Let everything that has breath give praise to the LORD! Hallelujah!
—Psalm 150:4-6
Then I heard something like the sound of a great multitude
or the sound of rushing water or mighty peals of thunder, as they said:
“Alleluia! The Lord has established his reign, our God, the almighty.
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory.
For the wedding day of the Lamb has come,
his bride has made herself ready.
—Revelation 19:6-7
As the chorus goes: "Ain't no party like a Catholic party, 'coz a Catholic party don't stop."⁷
The Method⁸
I first came to learn this simple but effective prayer method in 2014 while attending a summer formation program for seminarians in Omaha, Nebraska put on by the Institute for Priestly Formation. That summer proved to be the pivotal moment in my vocational discernment, and while I'll dive more into why in Part I, Chapter 4, it suffices here to say that this particular method of prayer was one of the main takeaways.
"Grace does not destroy but perfects nature," said Aquinas.⁹ In this vein, each stage of PARRRTY Prayer builds upon the natural stages of a normal human conversation.
P: Presence
A fruitful conversation happens when all parties are present to each other. By contrast, how frustrating is it when the person(s) with whom you are trying to connect seem(s) to be "elsewhere"?
But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.
—Matthew 6:6
In this first stage, practice being present to yourself and to God, who is "with you always, until the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20). Practically:
Find a quiet place to focus and minimize distractions.
Take deep breaths and open up your posture. Whether kneeling or sitting, un-cross your arms, open your palms facing up, and roll back your shoulders.¹⁰
Use your God-given imagination to picture the Father, Jesus, and/or the Holy Spirit there with you.¹¹ It can be helpful to enlist the aid of a favorite religious image, statue, or painting.
Vocally (or interiorly) present yourself to God and receive His presence (e.g., "Lord, I present myself to you in this time and place. Be with me now as you are with me always.").¹²
A: Acknowledge
Have you ever realized — just after saying goodbye to a friend — that you forgot to bring up the very thing you meant to share with them? How about withholding something in conversation from a friend because you feared it would be too much for them to handle? While human-to-human conversations need prudent filtering, God can take whatever you have to give, without any filtering.
In praying, do not babble like the pagans, who think that they will be heard because of their many words.
—Matthew 6:7
In order not to "babble" in prayer, you DON'T need to be the most eloquent orator or illustrious poet. You simply have to be present and honest. I've heard it said that prayer is not where we put on our masks to look "put together." Rather, prayer is where we allow all of our masks to fall away so that we may be truly seen by the loving gaze of the Father.¹³
Here in this second stage, take time to honestly acknowledge what is really going on in your mind, heart, and life. Practically:
Bring a journal or notebook to your prayer time.
Write down, even in bullet points, the raw, real-time thoughts, feelings, and desires that are arising in your mind, heart, and body. It is best to articulate them as clearly as possible.
Note: What we often think of as distractions in prayer are precisely the things we should be praying about!¹⁴
R: Relate
Honest communication requires trust. Do you really believe that God is a Good, Good Father? Your Good, Good Father? That is, do you trust God enough to entrust Him with your raw, unfiltered, un-put-together self?
Do not be like [the babbling pagans]. Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.¹⁵ 'This is how you are to pray: Our Father in heaven....'
—Matthew 6:8-9
The moment of truth: intentionally relate (or communicate) your honest thoughts, feelings, and desires to God, your Father. It's one thing to acknowledge to yourself what's really going on. It's a whole new ballgame, however, to confide those sacrosanct interior treasures to another person. Practically:
Vocally (or interiorly) communicate to God the thoughts, feelings, and desires you have acknowledged in the previous stage.
e.g., "Father, this family situation is weighing on me." "Father, I am feeling anxious about making enough money to support my family." "Father, I'm envious of [name]." "Father, I'm ashamed of my porn use." "Jesus, I believe you're calling me to enter the seminary." "Jesus, I desire to marry this woman, but I don't know how to be a good husband or father." "Holy Spirit, I'm overjoyed at the birth of my son/daughter!"
Make sure not to filter yourself. God, your Father, can take the weight of all your anxiety, sorrow, anger, shame, pride, envy, doubt, and sinfulness, transforming them into peace, joy, compassion, confidence, humility, charity, hope, and virtue.
R: Receive
But wait, there's more! Have you ever been in a conversation where one person dominates, not allowing the other(s) to really contribute? If you haven't... you might be that person. Joking aside, a conversation is not truly a conversation without reciprocal speaking and listening.
...pray to your Father in secret.... and your Father who sees in secret will repay you.
—Matthew 6:6
In this stage, receive the Lord's presence, word, and direction. Transition to a period of stillness and listening, with confidence that God truly speaks.¹⁶ Practically:
Spending time with a particular scripture passage or short section of spiritual reading can facilitate this stage especially.
Make sure this does not simply stay at the level of reading, but becomes true meditation: a vehicle for discerning God's word and guidance for you in that particular moment.¹⁷ At some point, however, put the books down and actively listen.
Pay attention once again to the thoughts, feelings, and desires, as well as memories and even distractions that arise during this stage. Jot these down in your journal.
Do not be discouraged if you don't "hear" anything. God is speaking and, more importantly, He is being with you, healing you, and loving you — all of you.¹⁸ Some of the best conversations between close friends are the moments where words fail and just being there for each other says it all.
R: Respond
Any meaningful conversation should lead to genuine conversion, meaning one should not walk away unchanged or at least unchallenged.
Give us today our daily bread; and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors; and do not subject us to the final test, but deliver us from the evil one. If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.
—Matthew 6:12-15
This penultimate stage is where the rubber meets the road: respond in faith to what you have received in prayer. Practically:
If God has clearly placed something on you mind and heart, resolve to carry it out as soon as possible!
e.g., to apologize to one you've offended, to carve out quality time for the family member you've been struggling to love, to actively seek out a qualified therapist or counselor, to go to confession, to implement an accountability plan to eradicate the sin of pornography use, to apply to the seminary, to ask that girl out.
If you have not heard something specific — if it was a very dry and difficult period of prayer — remember that God is present no matter what, rejoice in that reality, and resolve to continue practicing the art of listening for God's voice.
Write down any resolutions in your journal as a reminder to act and a potential metric of growth to look back on.
TY: Thank You!
Ultimately, it is only right to end any genuine conversation with gratitude. Because each person is a gift,¹⁹ one's presence, time, and attention are priceless. Even more so between you and God.
For the kingdom, the power and the glory are yours, now and forever.
—Doxology (ancient prayer in the liturgy to culminate the Our Father)²⁰
Last but not least, the final stage is to give thanks! Practically:
Say "Thank You!" to God for his loving presence and all that has transpired in this time together, even if still unperceived.
Receive God's thanks to you for the gift you have given Him in offering your very self through prayer.
Rest in the Father's loving presence.
The Assignment
To drink deeply from your newly minted Canteen during our journey together and beyond:
Carve out and prioritize at least 30-35 mins a week to practice PARRRTY Prayer. Put it on your calendar and set reminders! If just starting out, gradually work to increase the duration to 1 hour at a time each week.
As much as possible, find a place to be in solitude.
Eucharistic Adoration at a nearby Catholic Church is IDEAL for this, though a prayer corner in one's room is an alternative, if needed!
There may be times where this is not be possible, especially with young kids, but I challenge you to try. In our case, even with 5 young kids, my wife and I try to gift each other 1 hour per week to specifically get out of the house alone for prayer. Young kids, while providing a unique challenge to focused prayer time, are not an obstacle to prayer!
Begin with the Sign of the Cross and make the following invocation or similar: "Come, Holy Spirit! To You, I surrender all of my own expectations for this time of prayer."
Then, within the time it takes to say one "Our Father," imagine the face of Jesus before you.
Devote 5-7 minutes for each stage. To practice this method, you may even utilize a timer to keep on track. If a particular stage happens to be quite rich during a given prayer time, feel free to remain and rest there before eventually moving on.
End with the Sign of the Cross and say the following or similar: "Thank you, Jesus. I love you, Jesus. Remain with me as I leave this place, so that I may radiate You to others, especially those you have entrusted to me."
Repeat at least weekly, adjusting your scheduled time when absolutely necessary, and remaining faithful even when you've forgotten or neglected your previous prayer time.
Questions for Reflection and Prayer:
How have you understood and practiced prayer before reading this chapter?
"The Fathers of the Church say that prayer, properly understood, is nothing other than becoming a longing for God.... an open vessel of longing, in which life becomes prayer and prayer becomes life." What do you think about this definition of prayer?
Do you trust God enough to entrust Him with your honest, unfiltered thoughts, feelings, and desires? Why or why not?
Footnotes:
(click footnotes below to return to your place in the post above)
See Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1215, 1218, and 1239-1240 (Sacrament of Baptism) and 1668 (water as a Sacramental).
Mary, The Church at the Source, Hans Urs Von Balthasar and Joseph Ratzinger (Ignatius Press), pg. 15
Exhibit A: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY (Where the Hell is Matt? 2008); Exhibit B: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ez9CQtKio8E (Boogie Woogie Veteranen Turnier Landshut 2017)
Check out the song "Ain't No Party" (2006) by Fr. Stan Fortuna, CFR.
See CCC, 2700-2719 on vocal prayer, meditation, and contemplative prayer — all of which should be incorporated in practice of PARRRTY Prayer.
St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologiae, Part I, Question 1, Article 8, ad 2
![[NEW SERIES] The Masculine Journey: From Sonship to Sainthood](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/c07410_ca9f26f828a94206844e6bd63a9a9477~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_980,h_470,al_c,q_90,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01,enc_avif,quality_auto/c07410_ca9f26f828a94206844e6bd63a9a9477~mv2.png)
Comments