[TMJ: FS2S—Pt. I, Ch. 4] Our Map: Daily RIM-inder
- Catholic Academy for Life Leadership
- Jun 11
- 14 min read
Updated: Jun 13
Tornado Season
"Lord, are you calling me to be a priest?" Little did I know, I was asking the wrong question — or at least in the wrong order.
As I mentioned back in Pt. I, Ch. 1, the summer of 2014 proved to be a pivotal moment in my journey of vocational discernment and my entire life. Slated to spend two and a half months in Omaha, Nebraska, participating in a renowned spiritual formation program for diocesan seminarians run by the Institute for Priestly Formation (IPF), I didn't know what to expect. That summer was one of Nebraska's most intense tornado seasons on record. Turns out, it was also the season God ordained to directly confront the tumultuous tornadoes ripping through the heartland of my masculine identity.
If tornadoes can reshape the terrain, think about what spiritual tornadoes can do within one's heart. Only two people in human history are completely sinless, and even they endured sin's destructive effects on the cross and at its foot. Each of us, whether we know (and admit) it or not, have experienced the terrain-altering effects of sin. Which is why we are all in need of our next piece of essential adventure gear: our map — a tool meant to be a...
Daily RIM-inder¹
Another handy acronym for our mutual masculine adventure, RIM stands for:
R: Relationship
I: Identity
M: Mission
Let's take some time to elaborate.
Relationship
So much emphasis today is placed on defining our own identity, and perhaps for good reason: getting to the core of who we are is vitally important. However, a deeper reality not only shapes our identity, but actually bestows it. Enter "Relationship." By this, we mean primarily one's relationship with God and secondarily our human relationships, especially the most fundamental ones (e.g., mother, father, sister, brother). As we'll come to see, "Who am I?", must be preceded by a more fundamental question: "Whose am I?"
We do have a say in who we are and become, but we do not create ourselves. We don't (and can't) bring ourselves into existence. But is this such a bad thing? From the moment of our conception, we come into existence as beloved creatures of "God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth." The original Greek word for "Creator" used in the Nicene Creed that Catholics proclaim every Sunday at Mass is poiētēn (ποιητήν — literally, "maker" or "doer"), the very same word from which we get the word "poet." Meaning what?
We don't believe in a distant creator-God, manufacturing and manipulating things and people out of sheer whim or power. Rather, we believe in a God who is simultaneously all-powerful and all-personal; a God who creates out of love, delights in His creation (He saw that it was "very good" — Genesis 1:31), and desires to be in communion with it. We believe in a Poet-God who:
...in a plan of sheer goodness freely created man to make him share in his own blessed life. For this reason, at every time and in every place, God draws close to man. He calls men to seek him, to know him, to love him with all his strength....
—Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC), paragraph 1
Gentlemen, take a moment to consider what all of that says about who you are! And that's just the beginning. We'll explore more about the Sacrament of Baptism and Beloved Sonship in Part II, Ch. 1, but for now it's important to point out that Baptism elevates us from beloved creatures to beloved sons of a Good, Good Father.²
One final point about relationship. When we hear the word "person" today, we often focus on a particular man's, woman's, or child's individuality. This is not wrong, but it is incomplete. If we look carefully at our Catholic heritage, we'll discover that the word "person" actually carries a deeply relational weight as it became the word the Church Fathers adopted to describe the three persons of the Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.³
While the respective terms for "person" in both Latin and Greek originally referred to the theatrical masks worn by actors to distinguish characters in a story, the Catholic adoption and subsequent development of the word "person" over millennia came to mean someone who is both a truly concrete and rational individual as well as a being always and everywhere in relation to others.⁴ This understanding of person, made (or "poet-ed") in the image and likeness of a Poet-God, became the basis of inviolable human dignity and inalienable human rights.⁵ Fittingly, Pope St. John Paul II would say that each and every man or woman is a person, utterly unique and unrepeatable, yet fundamentally relational from the beginning.⁶ Thus a person, unlike a thing, must never be used, but rather loved.⁷
Identity
Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If someone said it was a happy little tale. If somebody told you I was just your average, ordinary guy, not a care in the world... somebody lied.
This opening line from Tobey Maguire's Peter Parker in the revolutionary 2002 Spider-Man film hit home when I first saw it in theaters. As a 10-year-old boy, it spoke to the various questions and desires swirling around in my mind and heart and gave me the confidence to own the fact that I am more than you can imagine. To be honest, the line continues to resonate with me at the time of this writing.
Within the RIM framework, identity refers to the reality of who I am. My identity is healthy and stable when I live and embrace the truth that I am a beloved creature of God by nature and beloved son of God by baptism. It is strengthened, furthermore, when this truth is affirmed by others, especially by my closest relations. Conversely, my identity is fractured and wounded when I reject and live contrary to the truth of my fundamental nature and goodness. Of course, perhaps a more common experience, it is furthermore weakened when insulted or violated by others, especially by my closest relations.
As we've seen above, your identity is bestowed as a gift from God, the Divine Poet. It flows from relationship with Him and must continue to do so if you are to truly thrive as a man. That's why when Satan tempts Adam and Eve into disregarding God's command not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil (see Genesis 2:15-17), he strikes right at their relationship with God.
Did God really say, "You shall not eat from any of the trees in the garden"?
You certainly will not die!
God knows well that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like gods, who know good and evil.
—Words of of the snake in Gen 3:1-5
First, the devil twists the truth (from one specific tree to "any of the trees") and sows seeds of doubt: "Did God really say that? Why would he do such a thing?! Does he not trust you? He must not really love you." Then he contradicts God outright: "God is a liar!" Finally, the nail in the coffin: "God is afraid that you will become like Him. He gave you that commandment to control and oppress you."
The point: our identity, our sense of self — and of reality — is either confirmed or confused by the words and actions directed at us. Satan knew this. By twisting God's words, he twisted Adam and Eve's relationship with God, thus distorting their identity. They no longer saw themselves as "very good" and beloved by God, the Father, but betrayed by God, the Foe. This affected not only Adam and Eve, but the entire human race.⁸ If we're honest, do we relate more to the sense of being a beloved son, or a betrayed stray?
Mission
From "Whose am I?" to "Who am I?", we find our way to "What am I to do about it?"
Mission comes from the Latin word missio, which denotes a "sending forth." Each of us have a mission and purpose by our very nature (as we discussed in the previous chapter) but also by virtue of our baptism.⁹ Again, cue Peter Parker:
Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: "With great power comes great responsibility." This is my gift... my curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-Man.
In the movie, you see that Peter's gains super-human powers from being bit by a genetically engineered super-spider created by scientists. His new abilities being quite raw and unfamiliar, he harnesses and disciplines them through practice, failure, and perseverance (one of my favorite movie montages ever!). However, misled by a newfound arrogance, Peter selfishly refuses to stop a fleeing criminal running right towards him.
This precise failure of character leads directly to the senseless murder of his Uncle Ben, who was more like a father to him. Enraged by the tragic loss, Peter slides fast down the slippery slope of revenge before reckoning with his errors, his belovedness (thanks especially to Aunt May), and his mission. By the time we arrive at the film's closing monologue above, we see a young man embracing his extraordinary duty to protect others and fight evil — a duty rooted in his relationships and identity, accepted even at great personal cost.
It was not I you who chose me, but I who chose and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you. This I command you: love one another.
—John 15:16-17
Your mission — if you choose to accept it — must first and foremost flow from your identity as a beloved son, which in turn must be founded upon solid rock: an intimate personal relationship with the Poet-God who is our Good, Good Father.
Not for the faint of heart, this is a life-long journey, and that's why we need this Daily RIM-inder! Otherwise, we are woefully wading in...
MIR-ky Waters
Along with PARRRTY Prayer, RIM was one of the foundational tools we received at IPF. It maps the rightly ordered sequence of self-discovery: fundamental relationships help us distinguish our true identity, which in turn empowers us to activate our mission.
However, sin — that is, turning our backs on God, who is Love Himself, and casting Him from our hearts¹⁰ — turns this sacred order upside down: RIM becomes MIR. Both sin and concupiscence scramble the original order into utter chaos!¹¹ How often do we allow our mission to dictate our identity, to which we tether all of our relationships? The resulting acronym is below:
M: Mission
I: Identity
R: Relationship
RIM is a sacred order (from the Greek, heirarchy) inscribed in our human nature that emboldens us to live with unshakeable resolve as beloved sons of God, the Father.
MIR is out-of-order, or better yet, without order (from the Greek, anarchy) which enslaves us to our own capability, effort, and accomplishment, forcing us to anxiously grasp for control and the affirmation of others.¹²
When living within the MIR framework, it's inevitably a slippery slope. Let's say I'm an athlete who allows my mission (excelling in fitness or a particular sport — a good thing in itself) — to reign supreme over everything else. When I do succeed, my identity feels established and my relationships seem secure... for the moment. There's an underlying sense that I must continue to be successful in order to be at peace within and valued by others, especially those I hold most dear. Accordingly, I do everything in my power to be successful. But what happens when someone else is more successful or flat out beats me? What happens when I inevitably stumble and fall? What happens when I... (gulp)... fail?
In this case, when I fail the mission or miss the mark, the identity that I've built upon it crumbles, and the relationships tied to it scatter on impact.
Truthfully, this is where we all live to varying degrees. Some, thank God, may have had the family support system, upbringing, and circumstances to lessen this devastating effect of sin (perhaps to a great extent!). Nonetheless, "all have sinned and are deprived of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). I say this not to wag fingers, shame, or condemn anyone... but to turn on the lights and help reveal sin for what it actually is: a counterfeit promising glory but delivering misery.
We've explored what happens when RIM is inverted by sin. The question remains: is there any hope to reverse this MIR-derous curse?
Now this is the message that we have heard from him and proclaim to you: God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all. If we say, "we have fellowship with him," while we continue to walk in darkness, we lie and do not act in truth. But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, then we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of his Son Jesus cleanses us all from sin. If we say, "We are without sin," we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrongdoing. If we say, "We have not sinned," we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
—1 John 1:5-10 (emphasis mine)
Mission: RIM Possible
The Story of Salvation becomes specific to you and me when we allow Jesus to lead us on a life-long journey of healing and restoration from MIR (which is eventual death) to RIM (which is eternal life). "Now this is eternal life, that they should know you, the only and true God, and the one whom you sent, Jesus Christ" (John 17:3).
Behold, the sacred order of authentic discipleship:
Relationship: Jesus's victory over sin and death makes it possible for each of us to know the Father
Identity: Through the gift and sacrament of baptism, which makes each of us a Christian
Mission: Which ultimately bestows upon each of us a sacred task or responsibility, unique to each and every person (think about the variety of saints we admire)
But what does this look like? Consider again the athlete example.
Having experienced the free fall to what feels like rock bottom, say I encounter authentic concern and love — even tough love — from a parent, pastor, practitioner, or peer. Through their genuine care and God's sheer grace, a marvelous breakthrough! In the face of my own failure, I am met with the face of Mercy itself, Jesus Christ.¹³ Misericordia — the Latin word for mercy — literally means "the heart (-cor) which gives (-dia) itself to the miserable (miseri-)." Being truly loved, restored, and called onward by the Father and by others in the midst of my messiness, I am not only reminded of my fundamental identity, beloved son, but even more this identity is restored, reinforced, and redirected towards its ultimate fill-full-ment.¹⁴
Now, I can still carry out my mission, but with new power, confidence, purpose, and direction. I should still strive to excel in fitness or my particular sport, but now success is not the ultimate goal. It has been taken up into and rightly ordered towards a greater reality; that of Christian virtue and true happiness (beatitude). Gradually, both my pursuit of excellence as well as my experiences of setback and failure become a major way in which I live out my identity as beloved son with the Father and others in my life. The sting of defeat still hurts, but now, if united to Jesus, my wounds and failures become occasions for God to reveal His healing glory (see 2 Corinthians 12:1-10).
Plot Twist
I thought I was asking the right questions: "Lord, do you want me to be a priest or not?" "What are you calling me to do with my life?"
By now, however, you can probably already tell that I was putting the cart before the horse. Mission was my primary focus while Relationship and certainly Identity were somewhere on the radar. Hence, while well-intentioned, my approach to discerning God's will was out of order.
Then came the storm of 2014. Although I was the only seminarian at IPF that summer representing the Diocese of Phoenix, settling into the program was thankfully not too difficult. By design, there was ample time to learn, pray, explore, and play (lots of soccer during a World Cup year!) and, by temperament, I'm naturally pretty open to new experiences, decent at adapting to new settings, and good at meeting new people.
From the beginning, each of us were assigned a small group consisting of our floormates and led by a couple of priests as well as a personal spiritual director who we would meet with quite frequently. In fact, we would meet with them every day during the program's initial (and intense) 8-day silent, directed retreat and then once every week afterwards. Friendships with other men and bonds with various Spiritual Fathers that developed throughout that summer were an invaluable blessing, encouragement, and source of direction.
But to say it was an easy and comfortable summer is the furthest thing from the truth. The content taught in the classroom and cultivated in the chapel, along with the challenge to put it all into practice on a daily basis — while compelling — was also unsettling. Interiorly and within spiritual direction, wounds and regrets from the past, ongoing destructive behaviors, as well as both fears and desires for the future were being stirred up and exposed to the light. Frankly, it hurt.
My spiritual director, in particular, had a hand in helping to reverse the MIR-derous curse I was under. I've come to think of his unique contribution in two ways, each of them making flesh the merciful and healing love of God, the Father. First, he loved and challenged me when it came to the more immediate, "surface level" dysfunction. For years, I had been striving to root out the sins of porn-consumption and masturbation, with progress being gradual: two steps forward, one step back. However, Fr. Jonathan not only forgave my sins (no small thing, of course) through the sacrament of confession, but also firmly challenged me as my brother and father. When I responded to his inquiry that I had not put any accountability software on my devices to address this problem, he replied: "Michael, if you don't, you're not trying." While there's more to that story, I can say that this moment was a huge milestone in eventually finding definitive freedom from those serious sins and destructive habits.
Second, and I believe even more importantly, Fr. Jonathan came to realize in our meetings that there were deep, deep wounds and regrets which hindered my ability to truly receive the Father's love and even to forgive myself. How could God love and forgive me if I didn't even love and forgive myself?! With all the resources that were made available to us that summer, Fr. Jonathan went above and beyond, as would any good father. In one meeting, where he could palpably see the inner chaos storming within me, he not only suggested that I see one of the licensed counselors onsite, but offered — only with my consent — to go with me into the actual session(s) simply for support.
After some deliberation, I accepted his offer... and I'm glad I did. Fr. Jonathan's presence and the professional help of the counselor — I'm sure bolstered by years of striving to follow God's will and cooperating with sacramental grace — turned the tide. The defensive walls I had constructed around my heart and mind melted away and some of the raging interior tornadoes finally dissipated.
While this was only one step along the journey of life, it was one of the major steps where my relationship with the Father was restored, my identity was healed, and my mission was renewed and reoriented by both.
'Twas the summer of 2014 and, from that point on, the primary question changed. "Lord, are you calling me to be a priest or not?" was replaced by "Lord, do I truly believe you are my loving Father and that I am your beloved son?"
In other words — or acronyms — that summer, MIR was re-reversed to RIM in a powerful way. Since then, I've tried to never revert, but when I inevitably do, I'm thankful for my Daily RIM-inder.
Questions for Reflection and Prayer:
What do you think about the Daily RIM-inder? Have you ever considered that your fundamental relationships (with God and others) help us distinguish our true identity, which in turn empowers us to activate our mission?
How often do you allow your mission to dictate your identity, to which you tether all of your relationships (MIR)? What are the concrete ways that you do and experience this? Are you willing to allow God to reverse MIR to RIM?
Do you relate more to the sense of being a beloved son, or a betrayed stray? What are the interior tornadoes storming about in your own life? What sins, destructive behaviors, wounds, and regrets hindered your ability to truly receive the Father's love and even to forgive yourself?
Are you willing to allow Jesus and His Light into those places? Have you gone to the sacrament of reconciliation/confession? Have you sought out competent spiritual direction and/or competent therapy or counseling? These resources take vetting and time, but what is critical is action.
Footnotes:
(click footnotes below to return to your place in the post above)
See John Paul II, Theology of the Body (TOB), audience 15, paragraph 4 and a. 9, para. 3
See Karol Wojtyla (JPII), Love and Responsibility, translated by Grzegorz Ignatik (2013), pg. 24-28.
See CCC, 1849-1851 (on the definition of sin) and 2515 (on concupiscence).
See documentary, The Weight of Gold, directed by Brett Rapkin, executive produced by Michael Phelps (HBO Sports, 2020).
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