[TMJ: FS2S—Pt. I, Ch. 3] Sacred Stages: Becoming Man
- Michael Villanueva
- Jun 3
- 11 min read
Travel Companions
Lone Wolf, Maverick, Self-Made Man. The list of labels goes on and on for a man going it alone. However, despite some of the positive aspects associated with them (e.g., a certain degree of independence, determination, or grit), masculinity meets maturity when one sees such monikers for what they are: masks. Truth is, in order to successfully arrive at our ultimate destination, we men need other men with whom to journey. A man needs men who have gone before him and inspire him, men who will walk alongside, support, and challenge him, and men who will also follow and learn from him. In other words, every man needs fathers, brothers, and sons — both from blood and beyond. Within a company of men, each man can come to find his true place and become more himself.
Among our own company are guides for the masculine journey: John Eldredge (Christian author, counselor, and teacher known widely for his writings on masculinity) and Pope St. John Paul II (pastor, scholar, and spiritual father of the Catholic Church for nearly 27 years, 1978-2005). Both have played immense roles in forming me as a man and, as you will see, they also serve as the main inspirations and sources for this blog series. I am honored to introduce them within these next few chapters, beginning with Eldrege in this chapter below and then devoting ample time to JPII in Pt. I, Ch. 5.
The Way of the Wild Heart
Not long after returning from our family trip to Pennsylvania — which I wrote about in Part I, Chapter 1 — I found myself reading (ok… listening to...) a book that would prove vital to this unexpected chapter of healing which had begun. Some friends had expressed the desire to get together regularly as men and read through John Eldredge’s The Way of the Wild Heart: A Map for the Masculine Journey. They invited me to join them, and the timing seemed right.
Boy, was I in for it! Written in his distinctive rugged yet personal style, the book immediately hooked and reeled me in. During the introduction, Eldredge recounts an Alaskan island he and his family once visited where their guide led them to a path created over centuries by the footprints of Grizzly bears, generations following in the footsteps of their predecessors¹ — or should I say… fore-bear-ers (Sorry… couldn’t help it!).
Reveling in the sacred nature of that path, he likens it to the masculine journey: “the hazardous undertaking [of] ‘becoming a man,’ full of dangers, counterfeits, and disasters…. the Great Trial of every man’s life, played out over time, [on which] every male young and old finds himself….”² This journey, he proposes — already perilous — is “all the more difficult because we live in a time with very little direction…. [and] with very few fathers to show us the way.”³ As indicated in his subtitle, Eldredge offers the contents of his book as a map (opposed to yet another marketable set of principles or self-help formulas) “chronicling the stages of the masculine journey from boyhood to old age.”⁴ “The pleasure of a map,” he writes, “gives you the lay of the land, and yet you still have to make choices about how you will cover the terrain before you. A map is a guide, not a formula. It offers freedom."⁵
Trekking through the book slowly and intently, each chapter resonated with my own masculine experience, desire, wounds, and milestones of healing. The discussion at each gathering with my brothers confirmed this was a common occurrence. By the end of the saga, we were wrecked… in the way that one is wrecked after a glorious hike, playing one’s favorite sport, or finishing a life-altering movie or novel: exhausted and exhilarated.
I am extremely grateful to Mr. Eldredge for his work and The Way of the Wild Heart in particular. As mentioned, it is one of the major inspirations for writing this series, which I humbly offer as your brother, companion, and guide. The “stages of the masculine journey” that Eldrege lays out in detail (Son, Cowboy, Warrior, Lover, King, and Sage) will in many ways mark the twists and turns of our travels together.
In fact, as you have already begun to see, Part I of this series is meant to equip us with the necessary understanding and practical tools to successfully navigate the journey of life as men. Subsequently, in Part II, we will re-view Eldrege's stages with Catholic sacramental lenses, primarily through recourse to JPII's Theology of the Body and the Catechism of the Catholic Church. In doing so, we will discover a whole new realm underlying these natural stages of life and even uncover additional stages, largely unexplored. Finally, we will come to see that God, our Good Good Father, has already entrusted to us certain "mystical milestones" meant to accompany, rejuvenate, and empower us on the way.
Nature's Stages
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exit and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
—Jaques, in Shakespeare's play, As You Like it (written around 1599, published 1623)
Shakespeare's on to something here! While this monologue as a whole, beginning with the famous lines above, expresses the cynical and pessimistic worldview of the particular character speaking, it achieves a certain level of truthfulness. Life itself is a journey that happens in stages tied to various ages. For Jaques, in Shakespeare's As You Like It, these stages, or acts, of a man's life consist of:
the infant, mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
the whining schoolboy..., creeping like a snail unwillingly to school.
the lover, sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad....
then a soldier..., jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel....
and then the justice, in fair round belly..., with eyes severe and beard of formal cut, full of wise saws and modern instances....
The sixth age shifts into the lean and slippered pantaloon, with spectacles on nose and pouch on side....
Last scene of all... is second childishness and mere oblivion, sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.⁶
Writing with a contrasting worldview filled with authentic Christian hope and arguably more realism than our fictional Shakespearean friend, Eldredge presents his six stages of the masculine journey listed previously:
If I were to sketch out for you the masculine journey in broad strokes, I believe this is how it unfolds, or better, how it was meant to unfold: Boyhood to Cowboy to Warrior to Lover to King to Sage. All in the course of about eighty years or so, give or take a decade or two.
Now let me be quick to add that one cannot pin an exact age to each stage. They overlap, and there are aspects of each stage in every other. Watch a boy for an afternoon (a very good idea, if it's been some time since you were a boy), and you'll see the Warrior, the Cowboy, or King. Yet he is a boy, and it is as a boy he must live during those years. Great damage is done if we ask a boy to become a King too soon, as is the case when a father abandons his family, walking out the door with the parting words, "You're the man of the house now." A cruel thing to do, and an even more cruel thing to say, for the boy has not yet become a man, not yet learned the lessons of boyhood and then young manhood. He has not yet become a Warrior, nor a Lover, and he is in no way ready to become a King.⁷
We will explore more about each of Eldrege's stages later in the series, digging into their distinctive hallmarks, lessons, wounds, and pathways to redemption, healing, and maturity. For now, it is necessary to drill down even deeper to find the incredible truth that underlies each of these natural stages: Every created thing is on a journey down the aisle of life towards its ultimate fill-full-ment.
For this, we can turn to my good friend, Aristotle⁸ — the ancient greek philosopher who greatly informs the thinking and teaching of the Church, especially that of St. Thomas Aquinas. Asking the right questions and making good distinctions (i.e., doing proper philosophy),⁸ᵃ Aristotle observed that every created thing has a nature: its what-ness (e.g., tree-ness, buffalo-ness, human-ness). Something's nature is that inherent principle which makes a thing to be this type of thing and not that other type of thing. Simple, right?!
Furthermore, a thing's nature is composed of four distinct but interrelated (and inseparable) dimensions, or causes:⁹
Material: the substance or "stuff" (physical or spiritual) a thing is made of
Formal: the design or essence of a thing; its organizing principle
Efficient: the internal or external source of a thing's existence
Final: the ultimate end or purpose of a thing
To really understand and appreciate something, say a tree, we have to behold it's true nature from each of these four angles:
Material Cause: roots, trunk, branches, bark, leaves, fruit, cellulose, etc.
Formal Cause: tree-ness (that which makes this thing a tree and not an owl or grain of sand)
Efficient Cause: the one who planted it, the inner principles of growth and being from seed to firewood
Final Cause: to provide shade, oxygen, firewood, shelter (housing), transportation (boats), to participate in Redemption (the Cross of Christ), etc. Most fundamentally: to be a tree, which gives glory and praise to God!
Praise the Lord from the earth,
you sea monsters and all the deeps of the sea;
Lightning and hail, snow and thick clouds,
storm wind that fulfills his command;
Mountains and all hills,
fruit trees and all cedars;
Animals wild and tame,
creatures that crawl and birds that fly;
Kings of the earth and all peoples,
princes and all who govern on earth;
Young men and women too,
old and young alike.
Let them all praise the Lord's name,
for his name alone is exalted,
His majesty above earth and heaven.
—Psalm 148:7-13
Where are we going with this?! Exactly.
Every created thing is on a journey down the aisle of life towards its ultimate fill-full-ment. If we truly understand something's nature, we acknowledge:
First, that it's not only made of certain materials or parts
Second, that this thing is not only brought into existence by an internal and/or external source (efficient cause), but...,
Third, that it also has a specific design or essence that determines what it actually is (formal cause), and...
Fourth (and Finally), that this particular thing also has specific purposes as well as an ultimate purpose, or end.
From seed to sacred lumber and each stage in between, a tree is always and everywhere on a journey down the aisle of life towards its ultimate fill-full-ment, perfection, and happiness (beatitude). Thus, the natural stages of life are in no way secular, that is, without any spiritual or religious basis. Rather, they are truly sacred — literally "set apart" to be "filled with all the fullness of God" (Ephesians 3:19; see also Romans 8:18-27).
Sure, there are forces that oppose this journey, but that's a story for another chapter. If this reality is true for all created things — a tree, a rock, a hyena, or droplet of water (think baptism), how can we come to truly understand and appreciate what it means to be a man?
Becoming Man
Brothers, fellow men: YOU are on a journey down the path of life towards your ultimate fill-full-ment, perfection, and beatitude. From the union of sperm and egg to the inconceivable separation of soul from body and then beyond, you are becoming MAN — what it truly means to be a man now and from all of eternity.
You are not flesh and bone alone, not only progeny of your parents and grandparents nor mere product of biological processes, but also someone who contains within himself a divine design that includes all the stages of masculinity, and someone who is ultimately meant for eternal glory through divine communion.
Men, your origin (efficient cause), history (material cause), mystery (formal cause), and destiny (final cause) interweave and and coalesce into one unique and unrepeatable person: you, always and everywhere becoming man.
As mentioned, there are forces that, from the earliest moments of history, have been raging to thwart this lifelong natural and sacred journey. Those evil forces have even succeeded to a devastating extent, continuing to gain ground through generations of sin, division, and oppression. Yet, like the prevailing worldview of Eldrege versus Shakespeare's character, Jaques, we have renewed hope.
"I consider the suffering of this present time as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed for us. For creation awaits with eager expectation the revelation of the children of God; for creation was made subject to futility, not of its own accord but because of the one who subjected it, in hope that creation itself would be set free from slavery to corruption and share in the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now; and not only that but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, we also groan within ourselves as we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.
—Romans 8:18-23
In chapters to come, we'll see that there are also benevolent powers sent specifically to aid us on our journey back to the Father. Together, we'll discover that these "mystical milestones," distinct but interrelated (and inseparable), are meant to accompany us (and all of creation) step by step with supernatural vigor along the natural (and sacred) stages of life. All that is required is our free cooperation with God's divine plan, which for us, my brothers, is to truly become man — both now and forevermore.
Questions for Reflection and Prayer:
Are there men in your life who inspire and mentor you? Men who are peers that support and challenge you? Men who look up to and learn from you?
Every created thing is on a journey down the aisle of life towards its ultimate fulfillment, perfection, and happiness (beatitude)! What do you think of this statement and what feelings does it stir up within, especially when you realize this statement applies to you personally?
Do you relate more to Eldrege's hope-filled worldview or Jaques' cynical and pessimistic worldview. Why so? Be honest and don't filter yourself.
Footnotes:
(click footnotes below to return to your place in the post above)
John Eldredge, The Way of the Wild Heart: A Map for the Masculine Journey (Thomas Nelson, 2006), ix-x.
From Shakespeare's pastoral comedy, As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII, Line 139.
When I first entered formal seminary formation as a freshman at the Franciscan University of Steubenville, I experienced what can only be described as a rude awakening. Expecting that we'd dive headfirst into intriguing theological and pastoral discussion, I abruptly learned that seminary studies started with... philosophy. For an extroverted creative raised in a postmodern world, even as a Catholic, this was like being thrown from sweet sleep into a frigid ice bath. The cultural air we breath and water we drink is, by diabolic design, not conducive to attaining, with our God-given human reason, the living and transformative truth. In other words: the postmodern society we live in hinders our natural capability to properly philosophize. It took roughly a decade for me to finally see the age-old wisdom in building strong philosophical foundations for the sake of adequate theological and pastoral service, not to mention formation for one's vocation whether to marriage, priesthood, or religious life.
The actual word philosophy means "the love of wisdom." "Philo-" is from the greek word "philia," meaning "love" and "-sophy" is from "sophia," greek for "wisdom." To quote one of the great films in cinematic history: "Give me a word, any word, and I show you how the root of that word is greek." "Ther' you go."
See Aristotle's Physics, Book II, Ch. 103 and his Metaphysics, Book IV, Ch. 2; See also the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/aristotle-causality/
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